We had a fun Christmas. Everyone enjoyed the time together, the boys got lots of toys, and they really seem to get what Christmas is all about.
I, on the other hand, am an ungraceful goober. If you can believe it, I actually had to go to the emergency room on Christmas. Setting up the cooker on the back porch to cook some greens, I decided tripping on the back steps and trying to rip my big toe off to be a little way to add excitement to the day. Everyone up at Centennial was great, they fixed me up and got us out the door in under 2 hours.
We made it back in time for Christmas lunch, for which a big thanks go out to Grandma and PaPa for taking over. They took on the boys and finished up our lunch. I think the kids were so wrapped up with all the new goodies they hardly noticed we left.
It was super fun, though. Santa brought Gray his first real bike. Tracy got a Rocky the Robot Truck and a Mickey's Magic Choo-Choo. Of course beyond Santa they made out with tons of other stuff... You know they also have a PaPa, which by any measure is at least as good as Santa. So with PaPa and Grandma and the stuff we got them they made out like bandits.
What really makes it fun is being with people you love. We got together and enjoyed each other's company and had a good day. Next weekend we do it again with more family, and that will be fun, too. Being able to enjoy every moment you can have together is really the best part of the holidays; may just be the best part of every day.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
What Matters
I have been hearing this little saying more and more for the last couple of years- "Perception is reality." In fact, my last blog post I spoke of an incident at work where I was falsely accused of something. When it was all being tried out at the time of the alleged incident, I tried to explain what I saw was happening and how all of this stuff was completely untrue. I was flatly quoted, by a person in very high position, "well, this is what this person feels happened, and you know perception is reality." My reality was summarily dismissed and a lunatic's perception ruled the day.
Not to bring that up as re-hash, although to be frank I'm not quite over it, it seems to be just another symptom of a larger issue. While I gave up reading the New York Times some time ago, I ran across this opinion piece when scanning a news feed I have set up. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/20/opinion/20rich.html
You're reading this, so you can read that. I'll not go over the whole thing in boring detail, but this piece hit home with me. I don't think the Tiger Woods thing or any of the other stuff have really redefined us culturally. I do think we have redefined ourselves culturally, however.
This culture we live in seems to be defined by what we perceive. Moreover, what we perceive are the things we wish to be rather than the things that are. I'm not terribly sure where this comes from; is it because idealists have aged and come to power, and while those idealists now realize life is less than ideal, they can't cope with the idea so they ask us to live a falsified existence to mask reality? Is it that we prefer fantasy to reality? Maybe we've just gotten dumb. I don't know.
It's a strange role reversal. In the Wizard of Oz, one cautionary part of the tale tells us we should look out for those that would prove devious. Today we don't seem to do that, we actually strive to be the man behind the curtain. We want to not be payed attention to, only letting others see our characters, not our character.
Back in the 1990's there was a term commonly used by my peers. People my age would often say they were "just keepin' it real'. To be honest I hated that phrase, I still do; but I get the meaning behind it. I guess coming of age during that time, middle school, high school, and college, I took that to heart. Perception was nothing, really get down in the dirt with someone. Know who they are, what they're about, why they do what they do; only then can you really know a person.
So I guess it's cynical, but I just don't have a great deal of faith that anything anyone tells me is true. I don't see that anyone has any interest in anything but themselves anymore. I still need to get in and get in beside someone to build the kind of relationship that puts its faith in one another. The hard part is doing that in a time that seems to devalue reality in favor of making itself look better than it really is.
My challenge to you, the faithful few that read this, is to 'get real' with someone. Sure, I hate that term, but it's the best I can do. Maybe this is idealistic as well, but if a few of us go somewhere uncomfortable, confide in someone, act as ourselves to someone, show someone our personality warts-and-all, tell someone the truth instead of what they want to hear; maybe we can start making a difference. Maybe we can start taking our culture away from perception and start yanking some guys out from behind the curtains.
Just a thought.
-Andy
Not to bring that up as re-hash, although to be frank I'm not quite over it, it seems to be just another symptom of a larger issue. While I gave up reading the New York Times some time ago, I ran across this opinion piece when scanning a news feed I have set up. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/20/opinion/20rich.html
You're reading this, so you can read that. I'll not go over the whole thing in boring detail, but this piece hit home with me. I don't think the Tiger Woods thing or any of the other stuff have really redefined us culturally. I do think we have redefined ourselves culturally, however.
This culture we live in seems to be defined by what we perceive. Moreover, what we perceive are the things we wish to be rather than the things that are. I'm not terribly sure where this comes from; is it because idealists have aged and come to power, and while those idealists now realize life is less than ideal, they can't cope with the idea so they ask us to live a falsified existence to mask reality? Is it that we prefer fantasy to reality? Maybe we've just gotten dumb. I don't know.
It's a strange role reversal. In the Wizard of Oz, one cautionary part of the tale tells us we should look out for those that would prove devious. Today we don't seem to do that, we actually strive to be the man behind the curtain. We want to not be payed attention to, only letting others see our characters, not our character.
Back in the 1990's there was a term commonly used by my peers. People my age would often say they were "just keepin' it real'. To be honest I hated that phrase, I still do; but I get the meaning behind it. I guess coming of age during that time, middle school, high school, and college, I took that to heart. Perception was nothing, really get down in the dirt with someone. Know who they are, what they're about, why they do what they do; only then can you really know a person.
So I guess it's cynical, but I just don't have a great deal of faith that anything anyone tells me is true. I don't see that anyone has any interest in anything but themselves anymore. I still need to get in and get in beside someone to build the kind of relationship that puts its faith in one another. The hard part is doing that in a time that seems to devalue reality in favor of making itself look better than it really is.
My challenge to you, the faithful few that read this, is to 'get real' with someone. Sure, I hate that term, but it's the best I can do. Maybe this is idealistic as well, but if a few of us go somewhere uncomfortable, confide in someone, act as ourselves to someone, show someone our personality warts-and-all, tell someone the truth instead of what they want to hear; maybe we can start making a difference. Maybe we can start taking our culture away from perception and start yanking some guys out from behind the curtains.
Just a thought.
-Andy
Saturday, December 12, 2009
The Biggest Lesson
This has been an pretty interesting year. For me, it has surely been one full of mixed blessings and emotions.
To start out, it really started at the end of last year. Getting to see Shelly finish her course work, ultimately graduating with a B.A. in the spring of this year is one of the highlights not just of the year, but really our life together. We made a conscious decision that one of us would graduate from college before we were married. I was closer to finishing, so that was me. It was also understood that the other would finish school. It took a little longer than planned, there might have been a little surprise that put it behind schedule, but to see that goal achieved made me very proud. To see how hard she worked for it, the way the pride and ownership of her work increased through the process, and the self-confidence she gained, all taught her that the faith we all had in her was not without reason. It was a great moment that will last our lifetime.
On the other side of the coin, I finally took ownership of my health. I have been through a couple of surgeries, 170 pounds of weight loss since mid-January, lifting weights 3 to 4 times a week, and running somewhere on the order of 20 miles a week. This may not seem like a ton to a seasoned runner, but a year ago I got winded walking up stairs. I'm eating right, living right, and feeling strong. I'm in absolutely the best physical shape of my life.
Now with that comes the hard part. Two surgeries and all of the recovery involved in both, the mental stress of massive lifestyle changes, and stresses of layoffs and a reorganization at work. December - February I saw my retirement savings literally lose all of it's gains from the past five years and return to a level slightly below its principle. From mid-January to mid-March I was unable to eat any solid food, which was mentally and physically challenging. At the same time I was facing my next operation in June I was placed on administrative leave due to a false allegation at work. From June to November I remained on probation after being found guilty of what I was falsely accused of, only to be taken off probation without apology or acknowledgement of a mistake when the evidence the allegation was a lie was finally reviewed and could no longer be ignored. In the midst of so many good things I felt like my world was crumbling around me. I was physically challenged and my faith in people's ability to see and do the right thing was destroyed.
To see the boys grow has been so much fun. Gray growing and learning, Tracy potty-trained and starting pre-school, and both having lots of fun together. Gray's getting so smart, starting to recognize words on paper and writing his letters better everyday. It's so exciting to see just how much two little minds expand, how they so readily absorb information and grow intellectually.
Through all of it, the trials and triumphs, I hope I learned something. I shouldn't say I hope, I know I learned. More accurately I say I hope I remember and make the best application of all I learned. The greatest tragedy of life is not to recognize strengths and weaknesses, not learn from them, and not to become the best person you can with your own unique traits. So with that, tough and easy, smiles and tears, I take it all in and become a better person. A person keenly aware of other's needs, knowing that meeting needs doesn't mean making people happy; to meet needs I must meet my own need for happiness first. I guess that's the biggest lesson I learned this year.
To start out, it really started at the end of last year. Getting to see Shelly finish her course work, ultimately graduating with a B.A. in the spring of this year is one of the highlights not just of the year, but really our life together. We made a conscious decision that one of us would graduate from college before we were married. I was closer to finishing, so that was me. It was also understood that the other would finish school. It took a little longer than planned, there might have been a little surprise that put it behind schedule, but to see that goal achieved made me very proud. To see how hard she worked for it, the way the pride and ownership of her work increased through the process, and the self-confidence she gained, all taught her that the faith we all had in her was not without reason. It was a great moment that will last our lifetime.
On the other side of the coin, I finally took ownership of my health. I have been through a couple of surgeries, 170 pounds of weight loss since mid-January, lifting weights 3 to 4 times a week, and running somewhere on the order of 20 miles a week. This may not seem like a ton to a seasoned runner, but a year ago I got winded walking up stairs. I'm eating right, living right, and feeling strong. I'm in absolutely the best physical shape of my life.
Now with that comes the hard part. Two surgeries and all of the recovery involved in both, the mental stress of massive lifestyle changes, and stresses of layoffs and a reorganization at work. December - February I saw my retirement savings literally lose all of it's gains from the past five years and return to a level slightly below its principle. From mid-January to mid-March I was unable to eat any solid food, which was mentally and physically challenging. At the same time I was facing my next operation in June I was placed on administrative leave due to a false allegation at work. From June to November I remained on probation after being found guilty of what I was falsely accused of, only to be taken off probation without apology or acknowledgement of a mistake when the evidence the allegation was a lie was finally reviewed and could no longer be ignored. In the midst of so many good things I felt like my world was crumbling around me. I was physically challenged and my faith in people's ability to see and do the right thing was destroyed.
To see the boys grow has been so much fun. Gray growing and learning, Tracy potty-trained and starting pre-school, and both having lots of fun together. Gray's getting so smart, starting to recognize words on paper and writing his letters better everyday. It's so exciting to see just how much two little minds expand, how they so readily absorb information and grow intellectually.
Through all of it, the trials and triumphs, I hope I learned something. I shouldn't say I hope, I know I learned. More accurately I say I hope I remember and make the best application of all I learned. The greatest tragedy of life is not to recognize strengths and weaknesses, not learn from them, and not to become the best person you can with your own unique traits. So with that, tough and easy, smiles and tears, I take it all in and become a better person. A person keenly aware of other's needs, knowing that meeting needs doesn't mean making people happy; to meet needs I must meet my own need for happiness first. I guess that's the biggest lesson I learned this year.
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
An Overdue Project
I've been working on this project for what seems like forever. In July of 2008 I decided I was going to build a real-life, working, recording studio in my house. This first order of business, once I got it built, was going to be to record a handful of original tracks to give to family at Christmas. Somehow that has not happened yet.
I actually started remodeling the room that became my studio within a few days of Gray moving out of it and moving in with his brother (it was their choice, they wanted to do that before I even thought of the studio). While I was remodeling I also bought everything I needed to build a custom PC to act as my recording/mixing desk. Everything was progressing well thus far.
I got the remodel completed, the computer built, and all moved in to the new studio in late July or early August, which, if you know me and my projects around the house, is probably a record of some sort. I mean, if all truth be told, the table I refinished (which I originally intended to sell) and placed the new PC on took me somewhere around 6 months to complete. From there I started buying my interfaces and converters to start making the studio happen. By the time it was all said and done I had a working studio by mid-October of 2008. I was pretty happy with my progress.
Next, of course, the recording started. Up to that point I had recorded in studios several times, I knew the game. Problem was, I had never produced or engineered anything. Little did I know how little I knew about the recording process. Mid-December was upon me, I had one song laid down, one in progress, and everything sounded remarkably amateur. This was exasperating.
So I pressed on, Christmas came and passed without anything being in a good enough state for me to move forward with. That was alright though, I had some new toys acquired at Christmas,which were going to help me do a wider range of things in the studio. I promised myself that I would have the project finished for the next Christmas.
In February of 2009 I had surgery and was not able to do any recording for about a month. In March of 2009 I was surprised by the invitation to start up a new group, which became Tennessee Real Time. After putting recording down on the priority list to get Tennessee Real Time up and running, July was here and my right hand literally quit working. I was unable to pick up an instrument with my right hand, much less play it, for nearly a month. From there a string of gigs, followed by Tennessee Real Time recording sessions, and it's approaching November. Ten months of the year gone and very little recording of my own complete.
Now it's December, one year later, and I have not made nearly enough progress to feel as though I'll be getting those Cd's out for Christmas. I guess I'll be trying to figure out some other Christmas gifts again. Just as well, I doubt anyone wants to feel obligated to listen to any garbage I'd record anyhow.
I actually started remodeling the room that became my studio within a few days of Gray moving out of it and moving in with his brother (it was their choice, they wanted to do that before I even thought of the studio). While I was remodeling I also bought everything I needed to build a custom PC to act as my recording/mixing desk. Everything was progressing well thus far.
I got the remodel completed, the computer built, and all moved in to the new studio in late July or early August, which, if you know me and my projects around the house, is probably a record of some sort. I mean, if all truth be told, the table I refinished (which I originally intended to sell) and placed the new PC on took me somewhere around 6 months to complete. From there I started buying my interfaces and converters to start making the studio happen. By the time it was all said and done I had a working studio by mid-October of 2008. I was pretty happy with my progress.
Next, of course, the recording started. Up to that point I had recorded in studios several times, I knew the game. Problem was, I had never produced or engineered anything. Little did I know how little I knew about the recording process. Mid-December was upon me, I had one song laid down, one in progress, and everything sounded remarkably amateur. This was exasperating.
So I pressed on, Christmas came and passed without anything being in a good enough state for me to move forward with. That was alright though, I had some new toys acquired at Christmas,which were going to help me do a wider range of things in the studio. I promised myself that I would have the project finished for the next Christmas.
In February of 2009 I had surgery and was not able to do any recording for about a month. In March of 2009 I was surprised by the invitation to start up a new group, which became Tennessee Real Time. After putting recording down on the priority list to get Tennessee Real Time up and running, July was here and my right hand literally quit working. I was unable to pick up an instrument with my right hand, much less play it, for nearly a month. From there a string of gigs, followed by Tennessee Real Time recording sessions, and it's approaching November. Ten months of the year gone and very little recording of my own complete.
Now it's December, one year later, and I have not made nearly enough progress to feel as though I'll be getting those Cd's out for Christmas. I guess I'll be trying to figure out some other Christmas gifts again. Just as well, I doubt anyone wants to feel obligated to listen to any garbage I'd record anyhow.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
The Heart of the Matter
I started something the other night I need to continue. There were no comments on my post on forgiveness, and I don't want to project my emotions on anyone else, but I really feel like there are probably a lot of folks dealing with this subject now. One of the primary reasons I come to this conclusion is something that happened at church this morning. I strolled in, normal Sunday morning, grabbed the bulletin, and looked over the scripture references and topic- forgiveness.
It's interesting to think about forgiveness at a time when we traditionally focus on thankfulness, but it is possibly the best time to look at it. In reality, many of us will settle around Thanksgiving tables Thursday with folks we harbor terrible feelings toward. Folks who, no matter what they have done or we perceive they have done, should be forgiven.
Before I even started the process of writing on forgiveness the other night, the Don Henley song, "Heart of the Matter" started rattling through my head. Initially the line that stuck out to me was, "...and my thoughts seem to scatter but I think it's about forgiveness." Today, though, another line sticks out, "The more I know, the less I understand; all the things I thought I knew I'm learning again."
I thought I knew about the necessity of forgiveness, I didn't think I knew what real forgiveness was. I thought I knew how to forgive in all but the most difficult situations, I didn't think I had ever heard from any source what constitutes real forgiveness. Of all of these there is only one thing I know for sure today, the depth of my ignorance and arrogance is far greater than I ever feared and my reliance on the One who has any real knowledge and power is absolutely, positively absent.
I'm not going to post full quotes from scripture here, but I encourage you to look them up at http://www.esvstudybible.org/search, just to get a feel for what I'm talking about. Matthew 18:21-35 and Luke 6:35-38 really summed up, for me, the answers to my questions. At first glance, and even after studying for a while, neither of these answered my questions. I genuinely felt confused at how to deal with especially egregious violations of trust. But after just one more hearing it really jumped out at me- yes forgive with all you have, let it go, don't relive the past, don't talk about it, don't gossip, don't avoid, just let it go and move on.
Now, of course, a major point I struggle with is does this reflect in reconciling the broken relationship. In terms of the what happened in the past, yes; in terms of allowing a future, yes; in terms of letting yourself be injured again, no. Let me make this perfectly clear- these do not contradict each other, the latter does not give license to forget the former. What I am saying is to forgive, even 'forget'; do not hold onto what happened in the past under the guise of protecting yourself, but do not allow the person who harmed you to do it again.
Let me put this in terms of one of the greatest forms of evil one person can perpetrate against another- physical abuse. If you are abused, get out. Get as far from your abuser as absolutely possible and do it now, don't read any farther until you are away from the violator. Now, you begin the process of forgiving. This means you forgive, you move forward with the relationship. You do not restore the relationship to what it was before, you simply begin to move forward. The past is done, it can't be undone; that said it need not be redone. The rebuilding may be to only speak when necessary, only in safe situations; it may mean never speaking to the aggressor again, but it does not mean holding the actions of the past as a debt to you. Forgive without request and forgive unconditionally.
I think where I really broke down on this was in the biblical idea of 'forgive as you have been forgiven.' I look at it as Christ's forgiveness has afforded me everything I have yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Christ's forgiveness fully reconciles me to God, and thus-ly affords me a relationship with Him. What I failed to remember is that forgiveness was afforded without cost to me at the cross, but the relationship only grows as a result of my acceptance of, and repentance for, my many sins.
We are not God. We have failed our transgressors just as they have failed us. We must start by admitting our own failings. Once admitted, forgive. If the relationship re-grows it will be a result of both parties admitting their failures and growing together, but the key term is re-grows. The relationship starts over from the beginning, no past, no future, just today. Forgive and start with just what you have today, if that's nothing today you have nothing, if it's a little you have a little. Bring what you have and start there.
So, in reality, this is a lesson for myself. Am I where I say I need to be, am I in a place where I am forgiving? No. I am simply at a place where I am beginning to recognize that I need forgiveness and need to forgive. From there I will begin the process of learning how to apply the actual lesson of forgiving to my situation.
It's interesting to think about forgiveness at a time when we traditionally focus on thankfulness, but it is possibly the best time to look at it. In reality, many of us will settle around Thanksgiving tables Thursday with folks we harbor terrible feelings toward. Folks who, no matter what they have done or we perceive they have done, should be forgiven.
Before I even started the process of writing on forgiveness the other night, the Don Henley song, "Heart of the Matter" started rattling through my head. Initially the line that stuck out to me was, "...and my thoughts seem to scatter but I think it's about forgiveness." Today, though, another line sticks out, "The more I know, the less I understand; all the things I thought I knew I'm learning again."
I thought I knew about the necessity of forgiveness, I didn't think I knew what real forgiveness was. I thought I knew how to forgive in all but the most difficult situations, I didn't think I had ever heard from any source what constitutes real forgiveness. Of all of these there is only one thing I know for sure today, the depth of my ignorance and arrogance is far greater than I ever feared and my reliance on the One who has any real knowledge and power is absolutely, positively absent.
I'm not going to post full quotes from scripture here, but I encourage you to look them up at http://www.esvstudybible.org/search, just to get a feel for what I'm talking about. Matthew 18:21-35 and Luke 6:35-38 really summed up, for me, the answers to my questions. At first glance, and even after studying for a while, neither of these answered my questions. I genuinely felt confused at how to deal with especially egregious violations of trust. But after just one more hearing it really jumped out at me- yes forgive with all you have, let it go, don't relive the past, don't talk about it, don't gossip, don't avoid, just let it go and move on.
Now, of course, a major point I struggle with is does this reflect in reconciling the broken relationship. In terms of the what happened in the past, yes; in terms of allowing a future, yes; in terms of letting yourself be injured again, no. Let me make this perfectly clear- these do not contradict each other, the latter does not give license to forget the former. What I am saying is to forgive, even 'forget'; do not hold onto what happened in the past under the guise of protecting yourself, but do not allow the person who harmed you to do it again.
Let me put this in terms of one of the greatest forms of evil one person can perpetrate against another- physical abuse. If you are abused, get out. Get as far from your abuser as absolutely possible and do it now, don't read any farther until you are away from the violator. Now, you begin the process of forgiving. This means you forgive, you move forward with the relationship. You do not restore the relationship to what it was before, you simply begin to move forward. The past is done, it can't be undone; that said it need not be redone. The rebuilding may be to only speak when necessary, only in safe situations; it may mean never speaking to the aggressor again, but it does not mean holding the actions of the past as a debt to you. Forgive without request and forgive unconditionally.
I think where I really broke down on this was in the biblical idea of 'forgive as you have been forgiven.' I look at it as Christ's forgiveness has afforded me everything I have yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Christ's forgiveness fully reconciles me to God, and thus-ly affords me a relationship with Him. What I failed to remember is that forgiveness was afforded without cost to me at the cross, but the relationship only grows as a result of my acceptance of, and repentance for, my many sins.
We are not God. We have failed our transgressors just as they have failed us. We must start by admitting our own failings. Once admitted, forgive. If the relationship re-grows it will be a result of both parties admitting their failures and growing together, but the key term is re-grows. The relationship starts over from the beginning, no past, no future, just today. Forgive and start with just what you have today, if that's nothing today you have nothing, if it's a little you have a little. Bring what you have and start there.
So, in reality, this is a lesson for myself. Am I where I say I need to be, am I in a place where I am forgiving? No. I am simply at a place where I am beginning to recognize that I need forgiveness and need to forgive. From there I will begin the process of learning how to apply the actual lesson of forgiving to my situation.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Forgiveness
I need to be very honest, I have been struggling with something lately. What does it mean to forgive? Not say all is forgiven, not forget, not pretend like nothing ever went wrong, not accept an apology, but really forgive.
Having some sort of open issue is problem enough, but to close an issue brings in another problem. Can an issue be resolved without forgiveness? I don't think so, but another question comes to mind- can there be forgiveness without reconciliation? If not, can there be reconciliation without re-establishing relationship? If there must be relationship, must it be vibrant, deep and trusting, or may it give consideration to past wrongs for the safety of all parties involved?
So often in my life I have forgiven. More often I have had to ask for forgiveness. Most times forgiveness is requested and granted it is a relatively easy process. Sure there is some pain, but not too much. You hash through things, you forgive, you move forward. What I am talking about are those particularly hard providences, times when you and those closest to you are hurt so deeply that all manner of measure needs to be in place to know it will never happen again. Those times when the offender is so paralyzed by their own naval gazing they have no remorse for what they've done- in fact blaming the offended for all that is done and taking no responsibility for their own involvement. Those are the situation I still struggle with what it means to forgive.
The common thread I see in most situations where forgiveness is difficult is a lack a core dialog. No matter how much I desire to forgive and be forgiven, the other party has no real desire to be part of it. Sure, sometimes they may talk about it, other times they may not; but the stark reality in these situations is nothing you can say or do will be enough for them to forgive you of your wrongs and they cannot see past themselves far enough to realize it takes two people to wrong one another. Simply said, expressing your feelings on a situation in hopes for moving toward forgiveness is taken as none more than an affront to them, and the dialog never begins. These turn into blame and shame sessions where you are even more wrong and things generally become worse, as everything you say in an attempt to start the process ends up being used against you.
Obviously I have a world-view that comes into play when I look at forgiveness. I've looked in the Bible, I've looked to trusted people, researched great theologians, and what I tend to find is the issue is very unclear. It is very clear, from all of these sources, that forgiveness is necessary. What is still not clear is what constitutes forgiveness. All of the questions I ask seem to be answered differently depending on who is answering. Is it simply that forgiveness, while itself objective, is reached subjectively?
What makes all of this particularly difficult is, erstwhile transgressions aside, the lingering feelings when not having forgiven is a very present danger. Those feelings are an infection, a cancer, and it cannot be taken seriously enough how profound an effect they have on every part of life. I have seen, in my own experience, the anger, remorse, depression, any number of negative emotions, invade my life. These emotions begin to negatively effect other relationships, output, and physical health. Not to be cliche, but it really is as we have heard so often- unhealthy.
To this, the end of forgiveness is critically important. Oddly enough these negative emotions can give great power to a transgressor, as when they are aware of the emotional toll of not allowing a dialog to begin they may use that to gain more control over the situation. This cycle, if unbroken, will ultimately lead to many shattered relationships and a loss of a forgiving spirit.
So i have meandered through all of it- why forgiveness is important, why we forgive, where forgiveness breaks down, and to a lesser degree what forgiveness is. But again I ask- what is forgiveness, real forgiveness? What constitutes real forgiveness? Must we, like God, forgive and forget? Does God hold us to His high standard, although we are ourselves unable to attain holiness in our own power? Or is forgiveness more like what a bank or government does when it forgives a debt? It is no longer owed, but I sure doubt you will be offered anymore debt by that lender. Is it somewhere in between; subjective, situational?
What is the hallmark of true forgiveness in human relationships? I do not know.
Having some sort of open issue is problem enough, but to close an issue brings in another problem. Can an issue be resolved without forgiveness? I don't think so, but another question comes to mind- can there be forgiveness without reconciliation? If not, can there be reconciliation without re-establishing relationship? If there must be relationship, must it be vibrant, deep and trusting, or may it give consideration to past wrongs for the safety of all parties involved?
So often in my life I have forgiven. More often I have had to ask for forgiveness. Most times forgiveness is requested and granted it is a relatively easy process. Sure there is some pain, but not too much. You hash through things, you forgive, you move forward. What I am talking about are those particularly hard providences, times when you and those closest to you are hurt so deeply that all manner of measure needs to be in place to know it will never happen again. Those times when the offender is so paralyzed by their own naval gazing they have no remorse for what they've done- in fact blaming the offended for all that is done and taking no responsibility for their own involvement. Those are the situation I still struggle with what it means to forgive.
The common thread I see in most situations where forgiveness is difficult is a lack a core dialog. No matter how much I desire to forgive and be forgiven, the other party has no real desire to be part of it. Sure, sometimes they may talk about it, other times they may not; but the stark reality in these situations is nothing you can say or do will be enough for them to forgive you of your wrongs and they cannot see past themselves far enough to realize it takes two people to wrong one another. Simply said, expressing your feelings on a situation in hopes for moving toward forgiveness is taken as none more than an affront to them, and the dialog never begins. These turn into blame and shame sessions where you are even more wrong and things generally become worse, as everything you say in an attempt to start the process ends up being used against you.
Obviously I have a world-view that comes into play when I look at forgiveness. I've looked in the Bible, I've looked to trusted people, researched great theologians, and what I tend to find is the issue is very unclear. It is very clear, from all of these sources, that forgiveness is necessary. What is still not clear is what constitutes forgiveness. All of the questions I ask seem to be answered differently depending on who is answering. Is it simply that forgiveness, while itself objective, is reached subjectively?
What makes all of this particularly difficult is, erstwhile transgressions aside, the lingering feelings when not having forgiven is a very present danger. Those feelings are an infection, a cancer, and it cannot be taken seriously enough how profound an effect they have on every part of life. I have seen, in my own experience, the anger, remorse, depression, any number of negative emotions, invade my life. These emotions begin to negatively effect other relationships, output, and physical health. Not to be cliche, but it really is as we have heard so often- unhealthy.
To this, the end of forgiveness is critically important. Oddly enough these negative emotions can give great power to a transgressor, as when they are aware of the emotional toll of not allowing a dialog to begin they may use that to gain more control over the situation. This cycle, if unbroken, will ultimately lead to many shattered relationships and a loss of a forgiving spirit.
So i have meandered through all of it- why forgiveness is important, why we forgive, where forgiveness breaks down, and to a lesser degree what forgiveness is. But again I ask- what is forgiveness, real forgiveness? What constitutes real forgiveness? Must we, like God, forgive and forget? Does God hold us to His high standard, although we are ourselves unable to attain holiness in our own power? Or is forgiveness more like what a bank or government does when it forgives a debt? It is no longer owed, but I sure doubt you will be offered anymore debt by that lender. Is it somewhere in between; subjective, situational?
What is the hallmark of true forgiveness in human relationships? I do not know.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
A Fun Night
Every once in a while you need a break. I wish I got more breaks, but what I have comes with the territory. I could wish all I wanted, but if I actually got most of what I wish for I'd probably realize it doesn't change anything. Okay, I digress...
Back to my original point. A couple of months ago I started working from home on the weekends I work. I still have to work, I still have to stay up all night, I still sleep during the day; but I'm at home, with my boys (during their waking hours), get to spend more time with Shelly, and now I only have to drive to Nashville two days a week. All of those are pretty positive. I guess some would say not having the interaction with co-workers is a negative, but if you know me well, or you've read this with any regularity, you know my desire for congeniality for its sake is fairly low.
Tonight has, for the most part, been fairly slow at work. Normally I'm not fond of that, but I'll take it every now and then. Early on I sat downstairs in my big comfy chair watching TV and chatting with Shelly. After she went to bed and turned the heat down I got cold, so I decided to go to my studio. I have two PCs in the room, and brought in my work laptop to make it three. I figured with the doors closed I could get some heat. Swift thinking on a night when I haven't otherwise engaged my brain.
It was still slow and I was still cold, so I decided I'd do a little recording. I need to demo out some of what I've been writing lately and it was a good time. So I fired up the console and a couple of tube mics. Now we've got vacuum tubes, transistors, resistors, processors, capacitors, any other kind of -ors, and one human being playing music in a bedroom-cum-recording studio.
I ran through about five takes of a guitar track I was laying down and decided to go grab some coffee. When I walked out into the hallway it was easily ten degrees cooler than in the studio. Success! I'm warm and toasty, the family still has comfortable sleeping conditions.
Oh, and my acoustic guitar is recording so beautifully tonight. These tube condenser mics really pick up the warm, woody tone of my Taylor.
So fun and successful. I'm warm and I've gotten to record some good takes with no interruptions. All that and the work side of things has remained quiet. It's been good.
Back to my original point. A couple of months ago I started working from home on the weekends I work. I still have to work, I still have to stay up all night, I still sleep during the day; but I'm at home, with my boys (during their waking hours), get to spend more time with Shelly, and now I only have to drive to Nashville two days a week. All of those are pretty positive. I guess some would say not having the interaction with co-workers is a negative, but if you know me well, or you've read this with any regularity, you know my desire for congeniality for its sake is fairly low.
Tonight has, for the most part, been fairly slow at work. Normally I'm not fond of that, but I'll take it every now and then. Early on I sat downstairs in my big comfy chair watching TV and chatting with Shelly. After she went to bed and turned the heat down I got cold, so I decided to go to my studio. I have two PCs in the room, and brought in my work laptop to make it three. I figured with the doors closed I could get some heat. Swift thinking on a night when I haven't otherwise engaged my brain.
It was still slow and I was still cold, so I decided I'd do a little recording. I need to demo out some of what I've been writing lately and it was a good time. So I fired up the console and a couple of tube mics. Now we've got vacuum tubes, transistors, resistors, processors, capacitors, any other kind of -ors, and one human being playing music in a bedroom-cum-recording studio.
I ran through about five takes of a guitar track I was laying down and decided to go grab some coffee. When I walked out into the hallway it was easily ten degrees cooler than in the studio. Success! I'm warm and toasty, the family still has comfortable sleeping conditions.
Oh, and my acoustic guitar is recording so beautifully tonight. These tube condenser mics really pick up the warm, woody tone of my Taylor.
So fun and successful. I'm warm and I've gotten to record some good takes with no interruptions. All that and the work side of things has remained quiet. It's been good.
Monday, November 09, 2009
An Admission
I admit it, sometimes I seem a bit standoff-ish. I don't mean to hurt any one's feelings, it is how I am. I also don't offer it as an excuse to behave badly, but as a place to start.
It was funny- Shelly and I took a little trip to take in a football game and see some old friends back in Florida. At one point on the on the way down, somewhere between Chattanooga, TN and Atlanta, Shelly said, "It's been more than an hour, so I'll say something." It was funny, we both laughed, since we both no how each other are. She always wants to talk, I never talk.
I don't know that there's a clear point of right and wrong, I don't even know if someplace in between is better than either way. I say this because I find I often judge, and am judged, based on the amount said instead of the content of what is said. If I hear a lot more than I need to know, I tend n0t to sort through and get the facts of the story I'm hearing but rather move on and get what I need elsewhere. Likewise, if someone gives a simple "just-the-facts" type answer we often excuse that person as some sort of bad person.
I guess I only bring all of this up as a lesson to myself. I don't know that I'm too quick to judge, but I do know I need to be careful to listen and much more careful about speaking. I don't know that I'll ever be able to speak quite as freely as I write; casual conversation is not something that comes terribly easy to me or is even that enjoyable.
Ironic, I guess that I even point this out to myself now. I have been at my desk for 11 hours tonight and I doubt I have spoken more than two sentences to the other two people in the room. I suppose I should stop writing and figure out how to put some of this into practice. Okay, I doubt it, but it's a thought.
It was funny- Shelly and I took a little trip to take in a football game and see some old friends back in Florida. At one point on the on the way down, somewhere between Chattanooga, TN and Atlanta, Shelly said, "It's been more than an hour, so I'll say something." It was funny, we both laughed, since we both no how each other are. She always wants to talk, I never talk.
I don't know that there's a clear point of right and wrong, I don't even know if someplace in between is better than either way. I say this because I find I often judge, and am judged, based on the amount said instead of the content of what is said. If I hear a lot more than I need to know, I tend n0t to sort through and get the facts of the story I'm hearing but rather move on and get what I need elsewhere. Likewise, if someone gives a simple "just-the-facts" type answer we often excuse that person as some sort of bad person.
I guess I only bring all of this up as a lesson to myself. I don't know that I'm too quick to judge, but I do know I need to be careful to listen and much more careful about speaking. I don't know that I'll ever be able to speak quite as freely as I write; casual conversation is not something that comes terribly easy to me or is even that enjoyable.
Ironic, I guess that I even point this out to myself now. I have been at my desk for 11 hours tonight and I doubt I have spoken more than two sentences to the other two people in the room. I suppose I should stop writing and figure out how to put some of this into practice. Okay, I doubt it, but it's a thought.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wow...
I got a message last night requesting a new post on here, and realizing that it has been over two months, it seems necessary that I do some updating.
We have all been extremely busy. The kids are back in school, Shelly's teaching school, I'm still engineering on overnights and juggling the music business, and Duff- well he's being the dutiful little dog that he is. I guess to say that we are always on the go might well be an understatement.
We have also had a lot of fun since I last posted. Of course the band (www.tennesseerealtime.com) played the Wilson County Fair back in late August. The fair was great, Shelly brought the boys twice; once with their cousins, aunt, and uncle, from Birmingham, Al, and once with my parents. Shelly also came another night with one of her friends. We also took the boys down to Atlanta for a family weekend with Shelly's parents at the zoo, cyclorama, and Six Flags. Coming up in the near future Shelly and I will be heading down to Gainesville to take in a Gator football game.
The band has also been working hard. We've had our first studio session getting prepared for putting some songs out. We also played over at Oktoberfest in Lebanon, Tn., and will be playing at the USAGEM annual conference/awards in Dickson, Tn., in November. We'll also be doing some private gigs here and there next month. We are getting a new presser out right now and hope to be hitting some hot spots here in the next few months before the spring festivals kick back up. I'll try and keep you posted. If you haven't done so already check out www.tennesseerealtime.com, there's a link to our page on Facebook where we keep all our upcoming dates posted.
I do apologize for not being more regular in my posting. I love to write and this has, for the recent few months, been a nice outlet for that. Whether it has been something on my mind, something going on in our family life, or sharing some of my older writings, it is fun for me to be able to share a little bit of my heart with you. Lately my heart sharing has been more consumed in songwriting, as Tennessee Real Time is really pushing to get some original work out on the airwaves after the first of the year. So not to say I do not love to share with everyone here, but I have really been pushing myself to my creative limits and have been steering clear of some things that take any effort away from my other writing.
We have all been extremely busy. The kids are back in school, Shelly's teaching school, I'm still engineering on overnights and juggling the music business, and Duff- well he's being the dutiful little dog that he is. I guess to say that we are always on the go might well be an understatement.
We have also had a lot of fun since I last posted. Of course the band (www.tennesseerealtime.com) played the Wilson County Fair back in late August. The fair was great, Shelly brought the boys twice; once with their cousins, aunt, and uncle, from Birmingham, Al, and once with my parents. Shelly also came another night with one of her friends. We also took the boys down to Atlanta for a family weekend with Shelly's parents at the zoo, cyclorama, and Six Flags. Coming up in the near future Shelly and I will be heading down to Gainesville to take in a Gator football game.
The band has also been working hard. We've had our first studio session getting prepared for putting some songs out. We also played over at Oktoberfest in Lebanon, Tn., and will be playing at the USAGEM annual conference/awards in Dickson, Tn., in November. We'll also be doing some private gigs here and there next month. We are getting a new presser out right now and hope to be hitting some hot spots here in the next few months before the spring festivals kick back up. I'll try and keep you posted. If you haven't done so already check out www.tennesseerealtime.com, there's a link to our page on Facebook where we keep all our upcoming dates posted.
I do apologize for not being more regular in my posting. I love to write and this has, for the recent few months, been a nice outlet for that. Whether it has been something on my mind, something going on in our family life, or sharing some of my older writings, it is fun for me to be able to share a little bit of my heart with you. Lately my heart sharing has been more consumed in songwriting, as Tennessee Real Time is really pushing to get some original work out on the airwaves after the first of the year. So not to say I do not love to share with everyone here, but I have really been pushing myself to my creative limits and have been steering clear of some things that take any effort away from my other writing.
Friday, August 14, 2009
A Whirlwind
Forgive me for not posting, it's been as crazy as usual. On a side note, one big reason I didn't post was that for a large part of July my right hand refused to work. It's a strange, long story; but it is all true. Basically a virus attacked the nerves in my shoulder, causing certain muscles in my right arm to be paralyzed. It's mostly better now, at least I can type and play bass, but it still feels odd and is a little weak. Thanks to those of you who knew and kept praying for me.
The whole family's getting pretty excited these days. Both boys are headed off to pre-school this year, Gray for his last year and Tracy his first. Kind off funny, we're sending mommy off to pre-school with them this time around; as she will be teaching. She's got the four-year-olds, so our family is represented in every age group- three, four, and five.
We're also all pretty excited about the fair! As I said in an earlier post, my band we'll be playing every night at the biggest fair in Tennessee, the Wilson County Fair. We're excited about playing, and the songs are really coming along nicely. The boys are also excited about going to the fair. Gray's been saving up for ride tickets and Tracy's excited about the animals. I'm excited because I haven't been to a fair in years and this one looks to be a lot of fun.
So I guess I'll leave off here for now. No exciting insights or humorous ramblings for tonight, the family news will have to do.
The whole family's getting pretty excited these days. Both boys are headed off to pre-school this year, Gray for his last year and Tracy his first. Kind off funny, we're sending mommy off to pre-school with them this time around; as she will be teaching. She's got the four-year-olds, so our family is represented in every age group- three, four, and five.
We're also all pretty excited about the fair! As I said in an earlier post, my band we'll be playing every night at the biggest fair in Tennessee, the Wilson County Fair. We're excited about playing, and the songs are really coming along nicely. The boys are also excited about going to the fair. Gray's been saving up for ride tickets and Tracy's excited about the animals. I'm excited because I haven't been to a fair in years and this one looks to be a lot of fun.
So I guess I'll leave off here for now. No exciting insights or humorous ramblings for tonight, the family news will have to do.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Still Busy
Wow, it's been a couple weeks since I posted anything. Everyone's been super busy, just when you think it would let up a little bit.
Shelly's been busy with FBA, which is our church's version of VBS. It's not really any different than VBS, other than the name, but you know how these things are. Everybody's got to have their own little twist on things. Anyhow, she worked on costumes and such and worked in one of the areas. The kids got to go for the first time and had a ball.
I've been keeping all the music stuff going. The band's had a a lot going on, so between shows and rehearsals it's been wild. I have also been working on a website and mixing some tracks we recorded a while back. The website is up at www.tennesseerealtime.com; currently content is limited, but I'm working on it a little bit everyday and will be adding more soon.
All in all things are getting better, though. A lot of this stuff is past now and it's time for Christmas in July. Birthday number one is Wednesday, number two the following Tuesday, and the last on Wednesday the following week. It's always fun to celebrate birthdays, and believe me I am ready to have some fun. I need a a bit of a reprieve.
Shelly's been busy with FBA, which is our church's version of VBS. It's not really any different than VBS, other than the name, but you know how these things are. Everybody's got to have their own little twist on things. Anyhow, she worked on costumes and such and worked in one of the areas. The kids got to go for the first time and had a ball.
I've been keeping all the music stuff going. The band's had a a lot going on, so between shows and rehearsals it's been wild. I have also been working on a website and mixing some tracks we recorded a while back. The website is up at www.tennesseerealtime.com; currently content is limited, but I'm working on it a little bit everyday and will be adding more soon.
All in all things are getting better, though. A lot of this stuff is past now and it's time for Christmas in July. Birthday number one is Wednesday, number two the following Tuesday, and the last on Wednesday the following week. It's always fun to celebrate birthdays, and believe me I am ready to have some fun. I need a a bit of a reprieve.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
One bad day
Well I didn't post last week after I found out, but I have ended up needing another surgery. Nothing related to February, this time I had to have some nasal/sinus and throat surgery. So far I'm not sure which was worse.
Okay, so it's really not fair to say I don't know which was worse. By far the surgery in February was worse. That time I was in the hospital three nights and this time I got to come home the same day. This one, I must say, has its drawbacks too.
Instead of feeling like I got kicked, punched, then stabbed in my stomach, this time I look like I got punched in the face. I have a bandage across the bridge of my nose from which two strings come out and enter each nostril, which are both packed with cotton gauze. On top of that my cheeks are puffy, although thankfully not black and blue, and I can't breathe through the packing so I look like a neanderthal constantly breathing through my mouth. At this moment the dog is looking at me like, "Hey, if you have to be like me at least let your tongue hang out."
What else could there be, right. Oh, since they cut out part of my soft palate I can't eat solid food. I am well versed in living off of liquid since I did it for a month back in January and February, but this is ridiculous. I really have no desire to be sucking down protein shakes again, especially since my stomach's just now getting to where I can eat a little better. Now my stupid tiny stomach will shrink up again and I'll get to start all over. Yeah! I mean I really don't want to lose 125 more pounds in the next four months. I really don't want to lose 125 pounds at all. I don't think me at 6'5", 128 pounds would look so hot!
So I've rambled on about myself, made fun of myself, and made you to feel terribly sorry for me. Okay, so that last part was garbage. You don't feel anymore sorry for me than I do. I'm just looking forward to staying away from the hospital for a while this time.
Okay, so it's really not fair to say I don't know which was worse. By far the surgery in February was worse. That time I was in the hospital three nights and this time I got to come home the same day. This one, I must say, has its drawbacks too.
Instead of feeling like I got kicked, punched, then stabbed in my stomach, this time I look like I got punched in the face. I have a bandage across the bridge of my nose from which two strings come out and enter each nostril, which are both packed with cotton gauze. On top of that my cheeks are puffy, although thankfully not black and blue, and I can't breathe through the packing so I look like a neanderthal constantly breathing through my mouth. At this moment the dog is looking at me like, "Hey, if you have to be like me at least let your tongue hang out."
What else could there be, right. Oh, since they cut out part of my soft palate I can't eat solid food. I am well versed in living off of liquid since I did it for a month back in January and February, but this is ridiculous. I really have no desire to be sucking down protein shakes again, especially since my stomach's just now getting to where I can eat a little better. Now my stupid tiny stomach will shrink up again and I'll get to start all over. Yeah! I mean I really don't want to lose 125 more pounds in the next four months. I really don't want to lose 125 pounds at all. I don't think me at 6'5", 128 pounds would look so hot!
So I've rambled on about myself, made fun of myself, and made you to feel terribly sorry for me. Okay, so that last part was garbage. You don't feel anymore sorry for me than I do. I'm just looking forward to staying away from the hospital for a while this time.
Monday, June 01, 2009
Various Goings On
I know it's been a while. Busy mainly, but I will admit to some ambivalence. I started posting last Wednesday, but then got a severe case of writers block. When I realized nothing I was writing made any sense, lacking any structure or logical flow, I scrapped it. So here we go with a fresh attempt.
Prior to last week we had been on vacation for about 10 days. We had a nice time at Cape San Blas, although punctuated by a bit of sadness. Just as we were leaving for Florida my mom called and passed along that my aunt had died a couple hours earlier. If you read this little outlet with any regularity you will recall a tribute I posted several months back to my uncle who died last August, who was this aunt's husband. They were both wonderful people, and I will continue missing them. I am encouraged by their lives and can only hope to be as fruitful in my years.
A big part of this vacation was family time. Although not in the best of circumstances, we were able to introduce the boys to many family members they had never met. As so much of my family, on both parents' sides are from around the Chattahoochee, FL, area, many folks from both were at the funeral home at the visitation. This was fun to see, although the boys weren't always excited, it was nice to make them go through meeting all the same people I thought torturous to meet when I was a kid. (Not to say it was truly torture, but I sure thought it was when I was a kid. I sure learned a lot from those folks as I got older.)
Of course there was lots of other family and friend time too. We got a visit from Shelly's good friend and her kids, spent the beach portion of the trip with my parents, travelled up to Tallahassee for a couple days' visit with Shelly's folks, and dropped in at our old church in Tallahassee to visit with folks with whom we shared many wonderful years. It was exciting to see so many folks, and I know we missed some, but hopefully we'll catch you soon!
Since we got back it's been pretty hectic too. Shelly worked a wedding last weekend and I played at a benefit in Mt. Juliet. All of that plus the daily work and kids, along with trying to get back from vacation has been a lot to get through. Finally it's all settling off and we're all able to better focus on getting back to normal.
One last thing. A couple posts back I mentioned a big announcement may be coming for the band. Well, I can say for certain now, we are booked for the entire length of the Wilson County Fair in Lebanon, TN. If you're already in the area, or want to make the trip, it's August 21-29 and we'll be playing from 7 to 9 each evening. This is a great fair, with last year's attendance pushing 1/2 million. It's the biggest fair in Tennessee and last year was the 23rd largest county fair in the U.S. Needless to say we're all pretty excited about the opportunity.
Prior to last week we had been on vacation for about 10 days. We had a nice time at Cape San Blas, although punctuated by a bit of sadness. Just as we were leaving for Florida my mom called and passed along that my aunt had died a couple hours earlier. If you read this little outlet with any regularity you will recall a tribute I posted several months back to my uncle who died last August, who was this aunt's husband. They were both wonderful people, and I will continue missing them. I am encouraged by their lives and can only hope to be as fruitful in my years.
A big part of this vacation was family time. Although not in the best of circumstances, we were able to introduce the boys to many family members they had never met. As so much of my family, on both parents' sides are from around the Chattahoochee, FL, area, many folks from both were at the funeral home at the visitation. This was fun to see, although the boys weren't always excited, it was nice to make them go through meeting all the same people I thought torturous to meet when I was a kid. (Not to say it was truly torture, but I sure thought it was when I was a kid. I sure learned a lot from those folks as I got older.)
Of course there was lots of other family and friend time too. We got a visit from Shelly's good friend and her kids, spent the beach portion of the trip with my parents, travelled up to Tallahassee for a couple days' visit with Shelly's folks, and dropped in at our old church in Tallahassee to visit with folks with whom we shared many wonderful years. It was exciting to see so many folks, and I know we missed some, but hopefully we'll catch you soon!
Since we got back it's been pretty hectic too. Shelly worked a wedding last weekend and I played at a benefit in Mt. Juliet. All of that plus the daily work and kids, along with trying to get back from vacation has been a lot to get through. Finally it's all settling off and we're all able to better focus on getting back to normal.
One last thing. A couple posts back I mentioned a big announcement may be coming for the band. Well, I can say for certain now, we are booked for the entire length of the Wilson County Fair in Lebanon, TN. If you're already in the area, or want to make the trip, it's August 21-29 and we'll be playing from 7 to 9 each evening. This is a great fair, with last year's attendance pushing 1/2 million. It's the biggest fair in Tennessee and last year was the 23rd largest county fair in the U.S. Needless to say we're all pretty excited about the opportunity.
Friday, May 15, 2009
The Tracy Story
I mentioned the other day I had a Tracy story. I guess since I said it existed I should go ahead and share.
Friday morning of last week we were having a fierce thunderstorm around 4. The thunder woke Tracy, so he was ready to get up and go. I ended up with Gray because he was scared of the storm and Shelly took Tracy downstairs to get some water.
After Tracy had his water he told Shelly it was time to get up. She told him, no, that it was the middle of the night, and we need to go back to bed. He insisted, though, it was time to get up. Shelly again told him it was the middle of the night, to which he responded that it was not because the morning was 'blinking its eyes'.
We all know children come up with some good ones. This one was exceptional to me, though. Sure it made me giggle, but I really enjoyed the creativity. First he wanted to get up but he knew he couldn't if it was still night. He also knew that the first thing he does when he wakes up is to blink to clear his eyes. Logically, then, the lightning was morning blinking its eyes. Logical creativity, great.
Of course as cute as it was, Shelly did convince him to go back to bed. Once he went back to bed he stayed there until 9 that morning. All in all it was a pretty good morning.
Friday morning of last week we were having a fierce thunderstorm around 4. The thunder woke Tracy, so he was ready to get up and go. I ended up with Gray because he was scared of the storm and Shelly took Tracy downstairs to get some water.
After Tracy had his water he told Shelly it was time to get up. She told him, no, that it was the middle of the night, and we need to go back to bed. He insisted, though, it was time to get up. Shelly again told him it was the middle of the night, to which he responded that it was not because the morning was 'blinking its eyes'.
We all know children come up with some good ones. This one was exceptional to me, though. Sure it made me giggle, but I really enjoyed the creativity. First he wanted to get up but he knew he couldn't if it was still night. He also knew that the first thing he does when he wakes up is to blink to clear his eyes. Logically, then, the lightning was morning blinking its eyes. Logical creativity, great.
Of course as cute as it was, Shelly did convince him to go back to bed. Once he went back to bed he stayed there until 9 that morning. All in all it was a pretty good morning.
Friday, May 08, 2009
Too Much of Everything, Not Enough of Anything
I have been bad lately, not posting, not updating, not doing much of anything but working. It seems I have at least two full-time jobs plus kids and a wife.
I think I've mentioned previously that I'm in a new band. This one has a legitimate shot at doing a few things. We're not going to hit the top 40's, it's not even a desire, but right out of the gate we have word of mouth and a couple decent gigs lined up. Right now we have a couple small things lined up as warm ups for a big gig in late June. The promoter's expecting 2,000 at the June gig. We're also working on our press/promo package and hope to really hit the festival and fair circuit pretty hard next summer. We may have an announcement about a pretty big gig in late July/Early August. Stay tuned...
It turns out, though, that it's a lot of work getting this off of the ground. Obviously I've been involved in other musical endeavours, but when there's only three people and you're doing all of the work yourself, it takes a lot of hours for everyone to make things happen. So I feel like I have at least two full time jobs.
Things are coming along at home, too. Shelly graduated from college last weekend and Gray's getting out of his cast on Tuesday. Gray also gets out of school Friday, so we're heading off on vacation next Saturday. It's much needed.
And that's an update for now. I may post some more over the weekend. I have a good Tracy story in the wings.
I think I've mentioned previously that I'm in a new band. This one has a legitimate shot at doing a few things. We're not going to hit the top 40's, it's not even a desire, but right out of the gate we have word of mouth and a couple decent gigs lined up. Right now we have a couple small things lined up as warm ups for a big gig in late June. The promoter's expecting 2,000 at the June gig. We're also working on our press/promo package and hope to really hit the festival and fair circuit pretty hard next summer. We may have an announcement about a pretty big gig in late July/Early August. Stay tuned...
It turns out, though, that it's a lot of work getting this off of the ground. Obviously I've been involved in other musical endeavours, but when there's only three people and you're doing all of the work yourself, it takes a lot of hours for everyone to make things happen. So I feel like I have at least two full time jobs.
Things are coming along at home, too. Shelly graduated from college last weekend and Gray's getting out of his cast on Tuesday. Gray also gets out of school Friday, so we're heading off on vacation next Saturday. It's much needed.
And that's an update for now. I may post some more over the weekend. I have a good Tracy story in the wings.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Coffee After Midnight
I've posted before, several months ago at least, about the weirdness that happens in the early morning hours. I'm sticking to that story. I live it everyday and know it is true.
A painter, who only works at night and whose work I enjoy, once told a two-pronged tail about his creative process. I found it to be a perfect analogy for what happens to the mind between 3 and 5 AM. When asked first about how he paints he said he paints nothing rather a magic monkey paints most everything, his only job is to make the monkey show up. Further, when asked why he decided to paint something, he colorfully explained that a tiny Abraham Lincoln was sitting on his shoulder one night and told him what subject matter to use.
So, that's to say I have noticed this trend extends to children. Granted, I don't keep my children up until 4:11 AM just to see how they react, but as anyone with kids knows they sometimes wake up in the middle of the night. Last night was no exception.
Gray woke up at some hour, I didn't look at the clock but since I wasn't asleep until well after midnight, I know it was at weird:30. First off I hear him walk in our room. He doesn't speak, doesn't reach out and touch anyone, just stands there by the bed looking at me. Then I ask him what he needs, not a word. I ask him if he needs a snuggle, and he climbs in next to me. Finally he's lying there and flops his cast arm up in the air and brings it down squarely on my face. A note to any parents who may have a kid in a cast one day: casts in the face hurt, probably worse in the middle of the night.
Tracy seemingly isn't affected by the late night weirdness, but his time is coming. I don't think Gray was affected at the same age. Tracy still has the angry/sad/general crankiness in the middle of the night.
I don't know why this is, but one day I would like to find out. Is it simply that the brain really wants to be asleep, no matter how much rest you get during the day? Is it because of this you enter some sort of nether-world where you are awake and dreaming? Do you lose some sort of inhibition or judgement at this hour, where rational norms are changed due to some time-intrinsic lack of rationality? Is reality warped, time-zone-by-time-zone, all around the world late at night and we are never any-the-wiser?
Nothing in this post even remotely makes sense, does it? It probably has no real flow. It is 3:51 AM and there's a commercial on TV about stealing cookies from the cookie jar. Needless to say, even the commercials get strange at this hour.
A painter, who only works at night and whose work I enjoy, once told a two-pronged tail about his creative process. I found it to be a perfect analogy for what happens to the mind between 3 and 5 AM. When asked first about how he paints he said he paints nothing rather a magic monkey paints most everything, his only job is to make the monkey show up. Further, when asked why he decided to paint something, he colorfully explained that a tiny Abraham Lincoln was sitting on his shoulder one night and told him what subject matter to use.
So, that's to say I have noticed this trend extends to children. Granted, I don't keep my children up until 4:11 AM just to see how they react, but as anyone with kids knows they sometimes wake up in the middle of the night. Last night was no exception.
Gray woke up at some hour, I didn't look at the clock but since I wasn't asleep until well after midnight, I know it was at weird:30. First off I hear him walk in our room. He doesn't speak, doesn't reach out and touch anyone, just stands there by the bed looking at me. Then I ask him what he needs, not a word. I ask him if he needs a snuggle, and he climbs in next to me. Finally he's lying there and flops his cast arm up in the air and brings it down squarely on my face. A note to any parents who may have a kid in a cast one day: casts in the face hurt, probably worse in the middle of the night.
Tracy seemingly isn't affected by the late night weirdness, but his time is coming. I don't think Gray was affected at the same age. Tracy still has the angry/sad/general crankiness in the middle of the night.
I don't know why this is, but one day I would like to find out. Is it simply that the brain really wants to be asleep, no matter how much rest you get during the day? Is it because of this you enter some sort of nether-world where you are awake and dreaming? Do you lose some sort of inhibition or judgement at this hour, where rational norms are changed due to some time-intrinsic lack of rationality? Is reality warped, time-zone-by-time-zone, all around the world late at night and we are never any-the-wiser?
Nothing in this post even remotely makes sense, does it? It probably has no real flow. It is 3:51 AM and there's a commercial on TV about stealing cookies from the cookie jar. Needless to say, even the commercials get strange at this hour.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
A Brief Update
I mentioned Gray had an appointment to check out his arm. Everything turned out great, he's healing perfectly. The doctor even said he could move to a short-arm cast in 10 days. He's counting down the days- April 24 and he gets to bgend his elbow again. Weaponized cast, here we come!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Just Another Day?
I doubt I have anything profound to say today. I'm taking the day to relax and enjoy some time working out some keyboard stuff in the studio. I should be working on a vocal demo so I could get a few more solo gigs but I'm not, so there.
A couple of days ago I mentioned Tracy had learned to take advantage of Gray's one-handedness. That is still going on and it is really funny to see happening. It is as though, now that the playing field is level, Tracy has really come into his own with his brother. Of course it is also a scary proposition, because I can certainly see this as a glimpse into the future when the playing field is more permanently level. Those two will always be plotting, sneaking, or fighting. I don't think it will be long until what little hair I have left turns gray. Shelly's hair, maybe not, she stays very youthful (read into that what you will, I'm not saying anything).
Gray has a checkup on his arm today to make sure it is healing correctly. The bone was not quite in perfect alignment, and although the doctor said it was normal in a kid his age, he did want to recheck to validate it is not slipping. As long as that goes according to plan our little fellow will keep wearing his cast for a few more weeks and be back to normal in no time.
It is quite a gray, cold day here; particularly for April. I don't find that terrible, in fact I enjoy it. Days like this tend to make me reflective, and reflectivity tends to spur creativity for me. What is especially interesting today is the juxtaposition of color. To see the trees and flowers explode in color against the forbidding, lifeless sky is truly amazing. It is as if the background has been stripped away to allow the beauty of now to be fully apparent. The green of the grass, the pink of the cherry trees, the maroon of the maples, the purples of the redbud, all set against the shadowy, leafless hardwoods and stark sky give a new appreciation of how God has chosen to rebuild a creation we have broken from below our feet to the heavens. It is a true picture of the redemption planned for us before He ever sent His first words to split the heavens.
A couple of days ago I mentioned Tracy had learned to take advantage of Gray's one-handedness. That is still going on and it is really funny to see happening. It is as though, now that the playing field is level, Tracy has really come into his own with his brother. Of course it is also a scary proposition, because I can certainly see this as a glimpse into the future when the playing field is more permanently level. Those two will always be plotting, sneaking, or fighting. I don't think it will be long until what little hair I have left turns gray. Shelly's hair, maybe not, she stays very youthful (read into that what you will, I'm not saying anything).
Gray has a checkup on his arm today to make sure it is healing correctly. The bone was not quite in perfect alignment, and although the doctor said it was normal in a kid his age, he did want to recheck to validate it is not slipping. As long as that goes according to plan our little fellow will keep wearing his cast for a few more weeks and be back to normal in no time.
It is quite a gray, cold day here; particularly for April. I don't find that terrible, in fact I enjoy it. Days like this tend to make me reflective, and reflectivity tends to spur creativity for me. What is especially interesting today is the juxtaposition of color. To see the trees and flowers explode in color against the forbidding, lifeless sky is truly amazing. It is as if the background has been stripped away to allow the beauty of now to be fully apparent. The green of the grass, the pink of the cherry trees, the maroon of the maples, the purples of the redbud, all set against the shadowy, leafless hardwoods and stark sky give a new appreciation of how God has chosen to rebuild a creation we have broken from below our feet to the heavens. It is a true picture of the redemption planned for us before He ever sent His first words to split the heavens.
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
I Did What??
Ever wake up from a drunk and have someone tell you something outrageous you did the night before? Many of you may have never had that happen, in fact I never have. I think it's because I generally have a good memory, though. I can recall a couple of times asking myself that question.
Mom, if you're reading, the previous paragraph is completely hypothetical. I've never had too much to drink in my life. Now you can keep up that myth that I'm somehow perfect and never been in trouble.
Now, as all of that is a past life, I still have those moments. Case-in-point: Sunday night I was going over some music, all of which I had agreed to play and is pretty well set in stone. One of the songs I chose based on having learned it several years ago and recalling it to be easy to play on the guitar. Given I have learned a lot about the guitar in my years in Nashville, I figured anything I played before I moved here would be super-easy to pull off now. Right? Wrong.
You see once I started playing it, as I had learned it several years ago, I realized I had learned it from an E-Z chord book. While the intervals I was playing were basically right, they were really missing something... they were in the wrong key. First chore, find the right key.
I was playing in e minor, and while this was nice and easy to play, I could tell I was way too high. A little experimenting and I had it. Can you guess? OK, so not everyone is musical, but I'll go ahead and float this out there... it's in c# minor. Let me put it in layman's terms; if you play piano c# minor is fine, but the guy who wrote this had to be a sadist to write c# minor for the guitar.
Once I got the key, I transposed the chords and realized I was still missing something. The chords in the song had more depth than I was playing. I went through them, there were extra notes all over the place, 7ths, 9ths, diminished, suspended, whatever weird you could throw in was there. I'm not playing this, no way.
Problem is, like I said earlier, I've already agreed to play the song. Did I mention when? This Sunday. Less than a week, plus it's Easter. I did what? Yep, I did that. Now I hope I have sufficient time to practice!
------------------
Update on Gray- He's doing great. He has an appointment with the doctor today and should get his cast. That will be great, it's hard to hold him back. The splint he's in now holds his arm snugly, but it does not offer the protection that such a wild animal needs for a break of such significance.
Another funny thing about that... His brother has figured out he has a distinct advantage now. Back in the fall, with Gray's last break, Tracy never figured out he had an advantage. This time he's figured it out and is taking all sorts of liberties with it. Maybe in the next couple of days I'll expound on that in a post. It's really all too funny.
Mom, if you're reading, the previous paragraph is completely hypothetical. I've never had too much to drink in my life. Now you can keep up that myth that I'm somehow perfect and never been in trouble.
Now, as all of that is a past life, I still have those moments. Case-in-point: Sunday night I was going over some music, all of which I had agreed to play and is pretty well set in stone. One of the songs I chose based on having learned it several years ago and recalling it to be easy to play on the guitar. Given I have learned a lot about the guitar in my years in Nashville, I figured anything I played before I moved here would be super-easy to pull off now. Right? Wrong.
You see once I started playing it, as I had learned it several years ago, I realized I had learned it from an E-Z chord book. While the intervals I was playing were basically right, they were really missing something... they were in the wrong key. First chore, find the right key.
I was playing in e minor, and while this was nice and easy to play, I could tell I was way too high. A little experimenting and I had it. Can you guess? OK, so not everyone is musical, but I'll go ahead and float this out there... it's in c# minor. Let me put it in layman's terms; if you play piano c# minor is fine, but the guy who wrote this had to be a sadist to write c# minor for the guitar.
Once I got the key, I transposed the chords and realized I was still missing something. The chords in the song had more depth than I was playing. I went through them, there were extra notes all over the place, 7ths, 9ths, diminished, suspended, whatever weird you could throw in was there. I'm not playing this, no way.
Problem is, like I said earlier, I've already agreed to play the song. Did I mention when? This Sunday. Less than a week, plus it's Easter. I did what? Yep, I did that. Now I hope I have sufficient time to practice!
------------------
Update on Gray- He's doing great. He has an appointment with the doctor today and should get his cast. That will be great, it's hard to hold him back. The splint he's in now holds his arm snugly, but it does not offer the protection that such a wild animal needs for a break of such significance.
Another funny thing about that... His brother has figured out he has a distinct advantage now. Back in the fall, with Gray's last break, Tracy never figured out he had an advantage. This time he's figured it out and is taking all sorts of liberties with it. Maybe in the next couple of days I'll expound on that in a post. It's really all too funny.
Friday, April 03, 2009
A Day of Blessings
Yesterday was a day of true blessings. In actuality, it would seem nothing good happened; which is the absolution of grace, and a reminder to rejoice in all things- all things.
The day started (or ended in my case) fairly normal. I left work on time, got home on time, had some eggs and cheese, played with the boys for a few minutes, and headed off to bed. It was a gray morning and heavy storms were in the offing for the afternoon, so I was trying to get as much sleep as I could in the event we had to run for cover later. Good plan...
I don't know if Shelly told me or not, I have no idea, but she took the kids up to the playground to play with Tracy's "girlfriend" and spend some time with Courtney. Given the approaching storms, everyone would be stuck inside later in the day. This got everyone out to burn off some extra energy and, since she is very much pregnant, allowed Courtney some time to vent with Shelly. I'm sure that was all needed. Good plan...
Seemingly we are always wrought with good plans. You see, once at the park, Gray finally decided to take a shot at the monkey bars. As I hear it went down, he fell off the monkey bars. Can you guess what happened next? Yep, another broken arm. Left wrist, above the growth plate, both bones, required reduction. Poor kid.
Thankfully this time he had not had anything to eat or drink just before he fell. This allowed the doctors to move pretty quickly and get him to sleep and set the wrist. We got to the hospital about 12:15 and they had it set by 2:20. By 2:45 or so he was awake and he and I headed off to post reduction x-ray. 3:30, Gray was in tears ready to go home, and we had our discharge papers in hand. Then the tornado alarms went off. Poor kid.
So we waited through the storm just to see the lower level of the hospital parking garage flood to the point we couldn't leave. I think we finally left the hospital about 5:45.
In the meantime some pretty amazing things happened. First, Nashville was struck by terrible flooding and at least one tornado. We were safely tucked in a hospital building completely safe. Second, having made no preparations for such a day, the kids without food were provided fresh bread sticks by a family who had purchased two packages and not even opened them. Finally, when the flooding issue in the parking garage had been resolved sufficiently to get the cars out, most of the heavy rain had left the area, making the drive home much less treacherous. Plus, in all of the flooding and storms no one was seriously injured or killed.
So even though my buddy's arm was broken, even though I only got an hour-and-a-half's sleep, even though the boys were fussy and tired when we got home, and even though I've been at work all night after yesterday, I am reminded to rejoice.
Philippians 4:4-7 (ESV) "4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Good plan.
The day started (or ended in my case) fairly normal. I left work on time, got home on time, had some eggs and cheese, played with the boys for a few minutes, and headed off to bed. It was a gray morning and heavy storms were in the offing for the afternoon, so I was trying to get as much sleep as I could in the event we had to run for cover later. Good plan...
I don't know if Shelly told me or not, I have no idea, but she took the kids up to the playground to play with Tracy's "girlfriend" and spend some time with Courtney. Given the approaching storms, everyone would be stuck inside later in the day. This got everyone out to burn off some extra energy and, since she is very much pregnant, allowed Courtney some time to vent with Shelly. I'm sure that was all needed. Good plan...
Seemingly we are always wrought with good plans. You see, once at the park, Gray finally decided to take a shot at the monkey bars. As I hear it went down, he fell off the monkey bars. Can you guess what happened next? Yep, another broken arm. Left wrist, above the growth plate, both bones, required reduction. Poor kid.
Thankfully this time he had not had anything to eat or drink just before he fell. This allowed the doctors to move pretty quickly and get him to sleep and set the wrist. We got to the hospital about 12:15 and they had it set by 2:20. By 2:45 or so he was awake and he and I headed off to post reduction x-ray. 3:30, Gray was in tears ready to go home, and we had our discharge papers in hand. Then the tornado alarms went off. Poor kid.
So we waited through the storm just to see the lower level of the hospital parking garage flood to the point we couldn't leave. I think we finally left the hospital about 5:45.
In the meantime some pretty amazing things happened. First, Nashville was struck by terrible flooding and at least one tornado. We were safely tucked in a hospital building completely safe. Second, having made no preparations for such a day, the kids without food were provided fresh bread sticks by a family who had purchased two packages and not even opened them. Finally, when the flooding issue in the parking garage had been resolved sufficiently to get the cars out, most of the heavy rain had left the area, making the drive home much less treacherous. Plus, in all of the flooding and storms no one was seriously injured or killed.
So even though my buddy's arm was broken, even though I only got an hour-and-a-half's sleep, even though the boys were fussy and tired when we got home, and even though I've been at work all night after yesterday, I am reminded to rejoice.
Philippians 4:4-7 (ESV) "4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Good plan.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
When it All Comes Undone
What a strange week this has been. It all started last Saturday, which to be fair is last week, but I did something I really didn't want to do. Let's be really frank, only God's power allowed it to happen, because I didn't want it to happen; yet in His knowledge and sovereign grace it did. Now my will says it will never happen again, but God's will be guide. That is all I am going to say about it, don't ask.
Second is all about Palm Sunday and Easter. As you know I have been working extremely hard to prepare services for a sister church in Brentwood, TN. Well Wednesday afternoon, and most preparations completed, I received completed worship bulletins from the pastor, with the songs he selected included. I have no idea how that happened, we communicated quite well what we were offering, which was to fully prepare and musically 'staff' his church those weeks, but that was obviously not what he wanted. Needless to say we're now off for those weeks. In the spirit of reconciliation the brother with whom I was preparing and I are going to attend a service over there in the near-future and provide some consultation to the pastor. He is wanting to improve the flow of his services, and hopefully we can provide some pointers.
Next, out of such things opportunities arise. My own church was looking for someone to lead music for the Easter Sunrise Service. Now since I had about 6 musicians tied up, 8 were already committed to working the regular services, and countless others were providing their individual services at other churches in the area, the pastors were having some difficulty in that area. Well guess what, I'm free now so I will be leading worship at Christ Community's Easter Sunrise service. I'm excited because I get to be at home on Easter and will get to worship alongside the brothers and sisters we have shared our lives with for close to five years now. That is an honor and privilege, God's sovereignty again.
The final update, on June 27 my new group will be performing at a benefit for HomeSafe of Wilson, Sumner and Robertson counties. This group provides support for battered women in these counties and is certainly deserving of any support you can give them. We'll be performing at 5 at the Wilson County Fairgrounds, but there will be live music from 2 PM to 10 PM. Tickets are $10 in advance and $15 at the gate. If you're in Middle Tennessee I encourage you to come out. We are not making a dime from the gate, all proceeds go directly to HomeSafe. We will, hopefully, have some CDs for sale, provided we get the recording completed in time.
Second is all about Palm Sunday and Easter. As you know I have been working extremely hard to prepare services for a sister church in Brentwood, TN. Well Wednesday afternoon, and most preparations completed, I received completed worship bulletins from the pastor, with the songs he selected included. I have no idea how that happened, we communicated quite well what we were offering, which was to fully prepare and musically 'staff' his church those weeks, but that was obviously not what he wanted. Needless to say we're now off for those weeks. In the spirit of reconciliation the brother with whom I was preparing and I are going to attend a service over there in the near-future and provide some consultation to the pastor. He is wanting to improve the flow of his services, and hopefully we can provide some pointers.
Next, out of such things opportunities arise. My own church was looking for someone to lead music for the Easter Sunrise Service. Now since I had about 6 musicians tied up, 8 were already committed to working the regular services, and countless others were providing their individual services at other churches in the area, the pastors were having some difficulty in that area. Well guess what, I'm free now so I will be leading worship at Christ Community's Easter Sunrise service. I'm excited because I get to be at home on Easter and will get to worship alongside the brothers and sisters we have shared our lives with for close to five years now. That is an honor and privilege, God's sovereignty again.
The final update, on June 27 my new group will be performing at a benefit for HomeSafe of Wilson, Sumner and Robertson counties. This group provides support for battered women in these counties and is certainly deserving of any support you can give them. We'll be performing at 5 at the Wilson County Fairgrounds, but there will be live music from 2 PM to 10 PM. Tickets are $10 in advance and $15 at the gate. If you're in Middle Tennessee I encourage you to come out. We are not making a dime from the gate, all proceeds go directly to HomeSafe. We will, hopefully, have some CDs for sale, provided we get the recording completed in time.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Some Thoughts...
I was sitting in my studio this morning continuing to prepare for Palm Sunday and Easter when I noticed something new. I'll set the stage a bit by saying, while the view from my window is nothing spectacular, rather standard suburban fare, there is a beautiful Bradford (flowering) Pear that is currently covered with clusters of white blossoms. Of course the blossoms are not anything new, as we have lived in our house for a bit over four years, but the upstairs vantage point is new to me this year. From this vantage point I could see, up close, hundreds of honey bees hard at work. It was really fun to watch, even though I got absolutely nothing done.
I've seen bees working before, I've even seen them in this number. I guess what struck me is, even though they were hard at work, they seemed to be having fun. Would it not be excellent if we glorified the Lord by being truly excited to work? In all things, to His glory, absolutely enjoy all things in the light of Glory.
The second thing that struck me was a line from a song I was working on at the time. I was making some modifications to a chart for a song called "On the Third Day" by Michael Olson (props to the writers too, Matt Maher and Marc Byrd). Just prior to each chorus is the line, "For everything must die to rise again." Seeing the tree blooming and listening to this tune I really plugged into the fact I was witnessing the beginning of a couple of life cycles, a rising again of sorts.
You see, the tree lost its blossoms, gained leaves, lost its leaves, then basically died for the winter. Did this tree die? Yes, it showed no obvious signs of life all winter. Was there still something acting behind the scenes? Yes, although physically dead the tree was still it's existential self. Is this not what we see in Christ Jesus?
The Apostles Creed states "...who descended into hell, and on the third day rose again from the dead." Now I'm not going to go deeply into theology other that to say this is not a literal hell, rather a translation of the Greek hades, which a literal translation renders as the place of death. It is clear from scripture Jesus is still alive while physically dead, in fact telling the thief on the cross "I assure you: Today you will be with Me in Paradise" (Luke 23:43). Jesus died. He was physically alive, physically died, and physically rose again!
Look around today. For that matter, look around everyday. We see things die and rise again all around us. The natural world is filled with things that do this daily. Trees, flowers, caterpillars into butterflies, and the list continues. For that matter, look at the things man creates: How many times do you reboot your computer to get that new software you installed? It is amazing how the entirety of our being is surrounded by the glory of God, yet we are so quick to dismiss it. The Gospel is true! It surrounds us all whether we recognize it or not.
I've seen bees working before, I've even seen them in this number. I guess what struck me is, even though they were hard at work, they seemed to be having fun. Would it not be excellent if we glorified the Lord by being truly excited to work? In all things, to His glory, absolutely enjoy all things in the light of Glory.
The second thing that struck me was a line from a song I was working on at the time. I was making some modifications to a chart for a song called "On the Third Day" by Michael Olson (props to the writers too, Matt Maher and Marc Byrd). Just prior to each chorus is the line, "For everything must die to rise again." Seeing the tree blooming and listening to this tune I really plugged into the fact I was witnessing the beginning of a couple of life cycles, a rising again of sorts.
You see, the tree lost its blossoms, gained leaves, lost its leaves, then basically died for the winter. Did this tree die? Yes, it showed no obvious signs of life all winter. Was there still something acting behind the scenes? Yes, although physically dead the tree was still it's existential self. Is this not what we see in Christ Jesus?
The Apostles Creed states "...who descended into hell, and on the third day rose again from the dead." Now I'm not going to go deeply into theology other that to say this is not a literal hell, rather a translation of the Greek hades, which a literal translation renders as the place of death. It is clear from scripture Jesus is still alive while physically dead, in fact telling the thief on the cross "I assure you: Today you will be with Me in Paradise" (Luke 23:43). Jesus died. He was physically alive, physically died, and physically rose again!
Look around today. For that matter, look around everyday. We see things die and rise again all around us. The natural world is filled with things that do this daily. Trees, flowers, caterpillars into butterflies, and the list continues. For that matter, look at the things man creates: How many times do you reboot your computer to get that new software you installed? It is amazing how the entirety of our being is surrounded by the glory of God, yet we are so quick to dismiss it. The Gospel is true! It surrounds us all whether we recognize it or not.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Three Weeks
That's it until Palm Sunday, just three weeks. A couple of weeks ago I was asked by a brother if I would be willing to help out a church in Brentwood with their Holy Week services. Initially it was as simple as playing bass in the band, easy enough. Well that has grown into doing some modern arrangements for some hymns and leading the Easter services. How do things get out of control?
So of course in reading my posts you know where this goes next... I should not say these things are out of control. It is truly a blessing to be able to serve. It is no less a daunting task, a growing PCA church in an affluent part of Nashville; not to mention making sure the focus is on worshipping the Lord, not impressing people. That is undoubtedly the biggest struggle. Almost 4 years in Nashville and things are really starting to happen for me musically, and that is exciting. Still, I have to realize that, although I have this talent, it is the Lord's and I must make sure I am using it to serve him.
It is really great though. We're seeing more interest from churches for special services or concerts, I am also talking with a guy about little sit-down duo project, and I am signed on with a group to do some festivals and fairs this summer and fall. It is a blessing, but again I cannot lose focus. I need prayer to help me stay centered, allowing me to focus on how all of these can be used to serve God. They are not all explicitly 'Christian' or 'Gospel' projects, but I know if the work is done to the Glory of the Savior, Jesus will be glorified.
So of course in reading my posts you know where this goes next... I should not say these things are out of control. It is truly a blessing to be able to serve. It is no less a daunting task, a growing PCA church in an affluent part of Nashville; not to mention making sure the focus is on worshipping the Lord, not impressing people. That is undoubtedly the biggest struggle. Almost 4 years in Nashville and things are really starting to happen for me musically, and that is exciting. Still, I have to realize that, although I have this talent, it is the Lord's and I must make sure I am using it to serve him.
It is really great though. We're seeing more interest from churches for special services or concerts, I am also talking with a guy about little sit-down duo project, and I am signed on with a group to do some festivals and fairs this summer and fall. It is a blessing, but again I cannot lose focus. I need prayer to help me stay centered, allowing me to focus on how all of these can be used to serve God. They are not all explicitly 'Christian' or 'Gospel' projects, but I know if the work is done to the Glory of the Savior, Jesus will be glorified.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Springtime in Tennessee
Boy the weather is nice here. Well, in between the bad weather it's nice.
Last Wednesday there was still snow on the ground from the storm that came through the weekend before. All of this past weekend it was in the low 70s and the kids only came inside to eat and sleep. Today it is supposed to hit 81. Tomorrow? High 40s. Pneumonia, anyone?!
Growing up in Florida you never completely knew what the weather would be like either, but I don't ever remember the wild swings like we have here in the Fall and Spring. Come to think of it, the weather in Florida was more predictable than I give credit. At least back home you could count on it raining at 4 o'clock everyday from Memorial Day to Labor Day. Around here you never seem to know if you need short pants or a snow suit.
How in the world do you explain to a two-and-a-half year old that has spent the last 5 days outside that it's too cold to go out? You don't. You try, but that just makes him mad. Then what happens next? He follows the dog out and cries more because his feet are cold since he hasn't on any shoes.
How soon until this smoothes out? I have no clue. I remember scraping frost off of my windshield leaving for vacation the last weekend of April. I also remember going for morning swims in late June when it would be 70 one morning and 50 the next. Heck, the first year I lived here it never got over 90 the entire year, when the next year we had 10 consecutive 100+ days. This place is crazy!
I guess it's worth it, though. When spring comes and stays I don't know if there's a more beautiful place on the planet than Middle Tennessee.
Last Wednesday there was still snow on the ground from the storm that came through the weekend before. All of this past weekend it was in the low 70s and the kids only came inside to eat and sleep. Today it is supposed to hit 81. Tomorrow? High 40s. Pneumonia, anyone?!
Growing up in Florida you never completely knew what the weather would be like either, but I don't ever remember the wild swings like we have here in the Fall and Spring. Come to think of it, the weather in Florida was more predictable than I give credit. At least back home you could count on it raining at 4 o'clock everyday from Memorial Day to Labor Day. Around here you never seem to know if you need short pants or a snow suit.
How in the world do you explain to a two-and-a-half year old that has spent the last 5 days outside that it's too cold to go out? You don't. You try, but that just makes him mad. Then what happens next? He follows the dog out and cries more because his feet are cold since he hasn't on any shoes.
How soon until this smoothes out? I have no clue. I remember scraping frost off of my windshield leaving for vacation the last weekend of April. I also remember going for morning swims in late June when it would be 70 one morning and 50 the next. Heck, the first year I lived here it never got over 90 the entire year, when the next year we had 10 consecutive 100+ days. This place is crazy!
I guess it's worth it, though. When spring comes and stays I don't know if there's a more beautiful place on the planet than Middle Tennessee.
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Positivity
I'm feeling rather downtrodden. I think I've given so much of myself at work that there's not much left for anyone else. It has been a rough string of days around here, from a technical standpoint, and nerves are frazzled; so in various attempts to calm those frayed nerves I have used up my positivity and patience before I made it home.
I guess all of this means I need to apologize. I am certain I have been neglectful. I still don't feel 100% since my operation, and with all that has been going on, I know the rest of my family is starting to feel my stress. That is not fair of me, and I need to go home and make it right.
Second, and just as important, I need to realize things are not bad. Honestly things can never really be bad. No matter what happens or where I go I cannot outrun the reach of God and how He has redeemed me through Jesus. I know that may sound trite, but I also know it to be true. The Gospel is living and breathing all around us, and in my own struggles and failures I can see the love bestowed upon me through the care of my wife, the unconditional love and forgiveness of my children, and the unyielding support of my family and friends. It is true, in the flesh, representation of how the Gospel works.
So it really is about positivity. Positively knowing that it is all in control, and maybe, just maybe, all the stress isn't really what life is about.
I guess all of this means I need to apologize. I am certain I have been neglectful. I still don't feel 100% since my operation, and with all that has been going on, I know the rest of my family is starting to feel my stress. That is not fair of me, and I need to go home and make it right.
Second, and just as important, I need to realize things are not bad. Honestly things can never really be bad. No matter what happens or where I go I cannot outrun the reach of God and how He has redeemed me through Jesus. I know that may sound trite, but I also know it to be true. The Gospel is living and breathing all around us, and in my own struggles and failures I can see the love bestowed upon me through the care of my wife, the unconditional love and forgiveness of my children, and the unyielding support of my family and friends. It is true, in the flesh, representation of how the Gospel works.
So it really is about positivity. Positively knowing that it is all in control, and maybe, just maybe, all the stress isn't really what life is about.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
The Past
There seem to be two distinct views on the past, one tells us not to forget the past and the other says put the past behind and start afresh. I don't know what the right way is, but I know what I've seen work and what I've seen fail.
I am a big proponent of continuing to move forward, yet I'm not always so keen on forgetting about the past. Not to say holding grudges or being stifled by the past is healthy, but to ignore the past seems rather foolish. In my case the old saying 'those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it' rings true. Moreover I have seen that 'forgetting' the past leads folks to selectively forget the past, as such forgetting the successes of the past and remembering the negatives.
Needless to say I am suspicious when someone says this is a new day and all that stuff that happened is over and gone. Personally I have seen this lead to short term morale boosts but long term failure. I've seen it in my own life and in many organizations I have studied. It seems the best thing, from what I've studied and experienced, is to intentionally focus on the past to see what was done well and what was not to look for ways to build the future.
So, maybe the saying for viewing the past should be a little bit different- maybe when we look at the past we should take the stance of not throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Just something to ponder on a Tuesday morning.
I am a big proponent of continuing to move forward, yet I'm not always so keen on forgetting about the past. Not to say holding grudges or being stifled by the past is healthy, but to ignore the past seems rather foolish. In my case the old saying 'those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it' rings true. Moreover I have seen that 'forgetting' the past leads folks to selectively forget the past, as such forgetting the successes of the past and remembering the negatives.
Needless to say I am suspicious when someone says this is a new day and all that stuff that happened is over and gone. Personally I have seen this lead to short term morale boosts but long term failure. I've seen it in my own life and in many organizations I have studied. It seems the best thing, from what I've studied and experienced, is to intentionally focus on the past to see what was done well and what was not to look for ways to build the future.
So, maybe the saying for viewing the past should be a little bit different- maybe when we look at the past we should take the stance of not throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Just something to ponder on a Tuesday morning.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Here we go...
It's been two weeks since I had surgery, 16 days since I've been to work, and a month since I used my teeth to chew anything. Well, this morning when I woke up all of that was true...
I still had surgery and haven't been to work, but I did eat real food about 9 this morning. It wasn't much, a half cup of egg substitute scrambled with two slices of non-fat cheese, but it was food nonetheless. I can only eat extremely soft proteins, primarily canned and blended, for the next week, but it is so much better than drinking everything as I have done the last month. I'm not getting one calorie more than I have had, but it is so satisfying to have something semi-solid to eat.
For those of you who would like to try not eating for a month, I can tell you that weight loss will occur if you do it right. In the first two weeks I lost 25 pounds. In the last two weeks I've lost 30 pounds. If you are math challenged, let me spell that out; in exactly 4 weeks I have lost 55 pounds. I don't have a stitch of clothes that fit anymore, in fact I am wearing an old web belt to hold my pants up. Get it? No holes, so I can tighten it as much as needs be.
I am very happy about all of this, don't get me wrong, but I have no idea what I'm going to wear when I have to go back to the office tomorrow. I don't want to buy anything, at least at this point, because I'll likely lose 50 more pounds in the next month. When you eat 3-4 ounces of food per meal, and that's all protein, you tend do do that.
So, triumphs mostly. Sure, the clothes thing is interesting, but it sure beats them not fitting the other way. Oh, let me throw this in... I have been fighting a killer case of vertigo for two days now. I called my surgeon and they said it was not a complication, rather likely an inner-ear thing. I've had this before, so I suspected as much, but I wanted to make sure it was nothing. That said, if you don't mind praying with me about this. There's not much medically that can be done, but I trust the Great Physician will heal as His will is fit.
I still had surgery and haven't been to work, but I did eat real food about 9 this morning. It wasn't much, a half cup of egg substitute scrambled with two slices of non-fat cheese, but it was food nonetheless. I can only eat extremely soft proteins, primarily canned and blended, for the next week, but it is so much better than drinking everything as I have done the last month. I'm not getting one calorie more than I have had, but it is so satisfying to have something semi-solid to eat.
For those of you who would like to try not eating for a month, I can tell you that weight loss will occur if you do it right. In the first two weeks I lost 25 pounds. In the last two weeks I've lost 30 pounds. If you are math challenged, let me spell that out; in exactly 4 weeks I have lost 55 pounds. I don't have a stitch of clothes that fit anymore, in fact I am wearing an old web belt to hold my pants up. Get it? No holes, so I can tighten it as much as needs be.
I am very happy about all of this, don't get me wrong, but I have no idea what I'm going to wear when I have to go back to the office tomorrow. I don't want to buy anything, at least at this point, because I'll likely lose 50 more pounds in the next month. When you eat 3-4 ounces of food per meal, and that's all protein, you tend do do that.
So, triumphs mostly. Sure, the clothes thing is interesting, but it sure beats them not fitting the other way. Oh, let me throw this in... I have been fighting a killer case of vertigo for two days now. I called my surgeon and they said it was not a complication, rather likely an inner-ear thing. I've had this before, so I suspected as much, but I wanted to make sure it was nothing. That said, if you don't mind praying with me about this. There's not much medically that can be done, but I trust the Great Physician will heal as His will is fit.
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Back with a Vengeance
I'm back. Less than a week out and I'm writing to say all has gone well. Don't tell any of my family, but I even snuck in a little work today (from home, of course).
Everything went extremely well with the surgery, and while I have another couple days until my first post-hospital follow-up, I think we'll really be sliding toward our normal routine later this week. All thanks to Shelly for taking care of me and for letting Grandma and Papa do their thing with the boys. Another huge thanks to Grandma and Papa; without them taking care of the boys this past week I don't know if we could have done it. And thank you all, my extended family, church family, in-laws, and friends for your support. Your prayers and well wished have certainly not gone unnoticed and there is no way we can ever repay our debt of gratitude to you all.
So I bid you adieu, as I think I'll take a short walk while there's still a few minutes of daylight.
Everything went extremely well with the surgery, and while I have another couple days until my first post-hospital follow-up, I think we'll really be sliding toward our normal routine later this week. All thanks to Shelly for taking care of me and for letting Grandma and Papa do their thing with the boys. Another huge thanks to Grandma and Papa; without them taking care of the boys this past week I don't know if we could have done it. And thank you all, my extended family, church family, in-laws, and friends for your support. Your prayers and well wished have certainly not gone unnoticed and there is no way we can ever repay our debt of gratitude to you all.
So I bid you adieu, as I think I'll take a short walk while there's still a few minutes of daylight.
Monday, February 02, 2009
Absolutely Pitiful
So any of you who attempt to follow our scatter shot attempt at a blog know both of us are terrible at posting with any regularity. That's nothing new, but I feel some guilt about it and, as such, must start out with an apology to anyone who has missed us. I completely understand you are all just clamoring to read these rambling, do nothing posts; and are completely appalled at our utter disrespect of your needs.
Now, on to business. I am having a bit of surgery tomorrow and would really like any prayer you all would offer on my behalf. Moreover, I would really appreciate you praying for Shelly, the boys, and my folks as they wait for my recovery and keep things moving while I'm out of commission. I guess like any dad I tend to worry about them more than myself, so please make sure you remember them.
Frankly, I'm less nervous than expected. In classic fashion I'm more nervous about being nervous than having surgery. Thankfully the anesthesiologist has some good anxiolytics, and that thought gets me through. This time my daily isn't completely getting me through my irrationals.
I'm done with all of the heart-felt garbage and too much information now. Time to crank up some T-Rex and dream of playing guitar like Marc Bolan did. Where's my top hat?
Now, on to business. I am having a bit of surgery tomorrow and would really like any prayer you all would offer on my behalf. Moreover, I would really appreciate you praying for Shelly, the boys, and my folks as they wait for my recovery and keep things moving while I'm out of commission. I guess like any dad I tend to worry about them more than myself, so please make sure you remember them.
Frankly, I'm less nervous than expected. In classic fashion I'm more nervous about being nervous than having surgery. Thankfully the anesthesiologist has some good anxiolytics, and that thought gets me through. This time my daily isn't completely getting me through my irrationals.
I'm done with all of the heart-felt garbage and too much information now. Time to crank up some T-Rex and dream of playing guitar like Marc Bolan did. Where's my top hat?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
